


Across the Universe

by thesoundofprettyodd



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-11-29 13:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11441868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoundofprettyodd/pseuds/thesoundofprettyodd
Summary: what's the point of holding on,if the two of you just don't belong?





	Across the Universe

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I've ever written, so forewarning, it's not gonna be great.

Two years.

It had been two years since they'd seen each other. On purpose, at least. They lived in the same city, they'd bumped into each other before and exchanged brief pleasantries before immediately bolting. This was the first time they'd actually planned anything, planned to meet up. This was the first they'd wanted to be around each other for the past two years.

It was Ryan's idea, he'd been the one to text Brendon. Ryan was the reason Brendon was sitting in a chair at the local coffeehouse, hyper fixating on his lukewarm cup of hot chocolate he'd ordered more to keep his hands busy than to drink. Ryan hadn't been the reason he'd done anything for a long, long time. He really didn't know what he wanted, whether Ryan had an ulterior motive or not. Brendon was slowly regretting his decision to come. He didn't want to get hurt again, and Ryan's hazel eyes and permanently pouty lips were his weakness. They always had been.

Brendon let his eyes slip closed. He'd arrived early on purpose, so he would have time to collect his thoughts before the encounter. Despite how long it'd been, every day hurt like a new wound. The steady dull of Ryan and Jon's absence in his life was something he'd known he'd have to live with for a very long time. Brendon retreated into his last memories of the band as a whole, the laughter and grins distant in the past. Then the inevitable - his last whisper of "I love you, Ryan Ross," as he rested his head on the other boy's bare chest, and the response that made his world stop turning - "Jon and I are leaving the band," echoing in his ears.

It wasn't like they said in interviews. It wasn't a build up. It was an implosion that effected all of them, the debris catching them and carving scars that wouldn't heal. To say it was caused by Ryan was a little harsh, but he was the one who wanted out. Brendon still didn't know to this day what caused it, or why Jon followed. Neither did Spencer. Spencer...Brendon still felt guilty for the months after the split, what he put him through. Spencer was left to pick up the pieces, and the distressed broken hearted Brendon was no help, and he knew that. To his credit, Spencer never held it against him.

"Hey," a voice jolted Brendon back to reality, the only voice that really could. He looked up, meeting Ryan's gaze as he slipped into the chair across from Brendon. He looked tired, Brendon noticed. His hair was longer, and curly as ever. Brendon remembered the days when Ryan would spend hours in the bathroom trying to rid himself of the curls, until Brendon walked in and messed it all up and then kissed Ryan to distract him from being mad.

"Hey," Brendon responded. He turned his attention back to his hot chocolate. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to make prolonged eye contact with Ryan, as if his eyes would seer into him and cut him deeper than he gave permission to, like they already had throughout the years.

"It's good to see you, Bren." Brendon winced. "Nice haircut. How's -" "Ryan," he shook his head, rubbing his wrist anxiously. "Don't. Just. Tell me what you want. I can't - I can't sit here and pretend every thing is alright." Ryan blinked, slightly taken back, but his expression melted into pity, and something unreadable. "I want to apologize."

Brendon looked up, and Ryan took it as a sign to continue. "For Capetown. For everything that happened, and how I left things. It wasn't fair to you or the band."

He stared at Ryan, disbelieving. "Fair? I was fucking in love with you, Ross, and you fucked me over and you left and you took two of my best friends away from me, yourself and Jon, and you didn't even have the audacity to tell me or Spence why. Not even him? Really? So much for childhood friends, amiright?" Brendon stood, leaving his beverage and starting towards the door. "Honestly, fuck you, Ryan."

Ryan bolted up, following him out of the coffeehouse. "Brendon - wait, just hear me out -" Brendon whipped around, his dark eyes portraying his anger. "No. For years I thought you were the love of my life, and then suddenly you just decide to up and leave one day, and you don't talk to me for _years _.__ I don't have to hear you out, I don't care what you have to say anymore, because nothing will ever be able to fix the damage you've inflicted, Ryan."

"All that hate is gonna burn you up, Bren." Ryan murmured softly, shaking his head. "This isn't you."

"Like you would know," Brendon sneered, turning his back to Ryan. "So long, good luck with...whatever." "Brendon," Ryan stepped and grabbed his arm tightly, pulling Brendon to him. He struggled slightly before he met Ryan's gaze. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left, and I love you back, okay? I loved you so much, I just couldn't be in the band anymore, it was killing me. Brendon, just - " Ryan leaned forward and kissed him desperately, his grip on Brendon tightening. Brendon kissed back at first, before he placed his hands against Ryan's chest and shoved him back.

"I said goodbye, Ryan. It's too late." Brendon turned around and walked away, leaving the stunned guitarist behind, forcing himself to not turn around.  
If he turned around, he would never be able to leave.  
If he turned around, his world would stop spinning all over again.

As soon as Brendon got home, he began scribbling down the lyrics he hadn't been able to create since he'd been left Capetown.

**Author's Note:**

> whomp, there it is. the lyrics from the summary are from Sun and Moon by sir Jon Walker hisself.


End file.
